Lest We Forget
by Darthanne
Summary: History is often a romanticised retelling of events. When two ex-Gundam pilots relate some of their experiences to her class, their daughter gains some insight into a side of her parents' life they don't often share. ( 3x4, mention of 1x2 )
1. Chapter One

Lest We Forget

By Anne

Author's notes: This fic is part of the 'Outlasting Time' arc, which is obviously being written way out of order *grins. For more information and to read the other stories in the series check out the following http://www.angelfire.com/ab7/shadesandechoes/outlastingtime.html

Disclaimer: 

Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. I promise to return the boys when I'm finished.

Alicia Bloom Winner and Michael Maxwell-Yuy belong to their respective parents, and as said parents are ex Gundam pilots and a tad overprotective, ask before you borrow.

Mr Fluffy appears courtesy of Maureen. 

Thanks to: Maureen, Raletha and Bast for feedback, encouragement and beta reading comments. Extra note to Maureen: yes the nagging worked, here's part one of /your/ fic. 

Special thanks also goes to Ash for her wonderful Arabian/English dictionary. 

/_Abb/_ means 'father' and /_hadeeya/_ translates as 'gift.' 

Feedback to : anneo@paradise.net.nz

******

AC 217

Alicia felt herself grow red as twenty pairs of eyes focused their gaze towards her. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, wishing she could crawl into some hidden part of herself and convince them she was merely a figment of their imagination. All those kids concentrating on her and what she was about to say scared her to death. She'd never been one for public speaking, often envying Abb for his ability to convince people that his opinion was worth listening to. She sighed, not for the first time wishing she had just kept her comment to herself and not shared the information she knew wasn't common knowledge. 

"Would you like to repeat your last statement, Alicia?" It was difficult to ignore the sarcastic tone in the teacher's voice. "And do I have to remind you that we are studying history, which from my understanding involves facts, not flights of fancy. Your imagination might be useful for a class in creative writing, but not here. Not in my class."

Alicia strengthened her grip on the side of her desk and willed herself to stay calm. _Daddy manages to project calmness even when he's upset. So can I._ She twirled her finger around a stray lock of brown hair, wishing not for the first time that she'd inherited more than just her hair colour from him. Sometimes it felt as though she'd missed out on the best of their combined abilities. She was a real mixture of both Winner and Bloom, with Daddy's colouring and build, Abb's eyes and inner struggle to repress emotions, a curse that seemed to come hand in hand with empathic abilities. "I said, Miss Harris, that my parents piloted Gundams during the war."

Her statement was followed by a silence broken only by several muted sniggers from the rest of the class.

Miss Harris pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and frowned. Alicia didn't have to be empathic to sense the annoyance radiating from the teacher in great waves. It washed against her shielding, buffeting the strong barriers she'd learnt to erect around herself since early childhood. 

"Just because evidence suggests the surname of pilot 04 is the same of your own does not give you the right to..to….tell such untruths."

"But my father was pilot 04," Alicia began to protest, but stopped as Miss Harris shot another glare in her direction.

"Don't give me your cheek, Miss Winner. Even though the names of the pilots became public a few years after the war, no one knows who exactly they are. If you paid attention in class you would know that." The teacher glanced at the book in front of her, and quoted. "The names of the pilots were thought to be Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner and Chang Wufei. However, it is not clear whether these were merely aliases used to mislead those who might seek revenge against them for their actions during the war. Further proof of this theory can be seen in the fact that pilot 01 used the name of the original Heero Yuy, assassinated years before, and that 04 used the name of the heir of the pacifist Winner family. It is also extremely unlikely that Trowa Barton is the true name of pilot 03 as the Barton foundation…"

Alicia interrupted again. "Uncle Duo told me that Uncle Heero…" Her voice trailed off as the sniggering of her class mates grew in volume. She rose to her feet, unable to keep the anger out of her voice. "Why are you so damn sure I'm lying? You don't know anything about my family. And it's obvious you know even less about the war and the Gundam pilots."

Miss Harris turned white, and when she spoke her voice was several degrees higher in pitch than it had previously been. "That's enough. I'm the teacher here." She pointed one finger towards the door of the classroom. "Principal's office. Now."

******

Alicia banged the front door behind her, throwing her school bag against the wall as she tried to contain her anger. "Poop and pox on them," she muttered under her breath. "Stupid, stupid people." Why had they been so sure she hadn't been telling the truth? Sure, she knew her parent's identities weren't exactly common knowledge but it wasn't something they'd kept hidden either. If people asked, they always told the truth. People had a right to know the truth, Abb had always told her. 

"Alicia? Are you okay, hadeeya?" Abb's voice came from the kitchen, where, judging from the smells permeating the house, he was preparing dinner. It was Monday, she remembered. Abb always cooked on Mondays because it was Daddy's day at the animal shelter. Her parents had always made of point of making sure one of them was home when she arrived from school, often juggling their timetables to do so. From what she gathered, neither of them had enjoyed what they referred to as ' a normal childhood' so they tried to ensure she didn't lack in what they had missed out on. 

On the odd occasion something had come up, she'd come home to find one of her uncles waiting for her. She grinned, despite her bad mood, remembering the time Uncle Duo had actually come down to the school to pick her up. Abb and Daddy had arrived home to find them playing poker on the kitchen table, and for some reason hadn't been as impressed with the game as she had. Uncle Duo had winked, told her she had a great future ahead of her in gambling and had offered to teach her to pick locks the next time he visited. Daddy had glared at him, that glare threatening death and dismemberment which he usually reserved for the few boys who had ever asked her out. 

"Fine. I'm fine." The tone in her voice suggested anything but and Alicia knew her father wouldn't be fooled. He knew her all too well, and of course the bond she shared with both her fathers didn't help when it came to keeping secrets. Sometimes she almost wished it didn't exist. Much as she loved them, she was getting to that age when she needed more of her own space. The shielding Abb had taught her when they had first discovered her inherited talent worked most of the time, but at other times, especially now when it was needed the most, it didn't seem to make any difference at all. 

She headed towards the kitchen, meeting her father half way. "What happened at school today?" he asked, concern reflected in his expression. 

"Nothing." 

Abb reached out one hand and placed it gently on her shoulder, using the other to turn her head so their eyes met. "What happened at school today?" he repeated. "You were upset, you still are." His tone softened. "I'd like to think you could talk to Daddy and I about anything. It's easier to deal with problems if you share them." A momentary look of something Alicia could only describe as pain, fleetingly crossed his face, then was gone as fast as it had come.

She frowned. 

Even though she and her fathers had a close relationship there was a still a lot about their past that they didn't like to discuss. She knew Abb suffered from occasional nightmares, even though she was careful to make sure not to let on she was aware of it. 

She still remembered the first time as though it were yesterday.

****** 

AC 209

Waking groggily, with the slight pain in her chest she'd come to associate with her empathy, or her spaceheart as Abb referred to it, she switched on the small nightlight, hoping it would help to dispel the darkness and despair threatening to overwhelm her from within. From somewhere outside the safety of her bed she could hear someone crying, the sobbing echoing the tears running down her own cheeks as she subconsciously reached out towards whoever was hurting. She gripped her chest, pulling herself into a small ball, trying to convince herself she was dreaming, but knowing she wasn't. 

Where was Abb? Where was Daddy? Usually they would be by her side by now, pulling her into an embrace, holding her until the bad feelings went away. Leaving her own bed, she tip toed to her parents' bedroom to seek out the security she knew they could provide.

As she neared their door, she could hear Daddy's voice, that soothing calming tone he used when she was upset. Who was he talking to? Where was Abb? 

Alicia paused, wondering if she should go downstairs and find Abb. If Daddy was busy looking after whoever was crying…

She whimpered, the noise escaping her lips before she could prevent it, her hand clutching her nightgown in an attempt to stop the pain. Daddy, she needed Daddy. Whoever was in there with him would have to share. After all she was his daughter, and her fathers had always told her to come to them if she was in trouble, not matter what. 

She padded closer, her slippers echoing as they flip flopped against the polished wooden floorboards. "Daddy," she called, as she pushed against the door with her weight, entering the room suddenly as it opened faster than she had expected.

"Alicia?" Daddy's head came up, surprise replacing the pain she could feel coming from him. He was trying to radiate calmness the same way he'd tried to teach her but he wasn't succeeding. Even through her shielding she could feel whoever was in the room with them sending out waves of loss, terror and guilt. She knew what guilt was, it was how she felt when she was naughty and Daddy and Abb got upset. There was a slight movement in the bed next to him, followed by a moan. "It's okay, Cat, I'm here."

"I'm sorry." Alicia felt herself grow cold, as Abb's voice came from under the covers, followed by muffled sobs. Daddy stroked one hand gently through blond locks, laying a kiss on his forehead. "Trowa!" Abb pulled away from Daddy's touch, his voice rising to a scream . "Heero! Let go of me! Trowa's dying!" 

Alicia reached out towards her father, then took a step back, suddenly feeling unsure. Why did Abb think Uncle Heero was trying to hurt him? Daddy wasn't dying. Daddy was going to be all right. She sniffled loudly, her fingers winding around her hair over and over as she tried to work out what was going on. "Daddy, I'm scared." 

Abb writhed under the sheets, struggling against some imaginary enemy, against Daddy's attempts to calm him. "It's okay, Cat. I'm here. I'm here." Daddy put one strong arm around Abb, using the weight of his body to try and stop him hurting himself.

"Kill me, Heero! Please! You've got to hurry and save Trowa!" Alicia jumped and whimpered, eyes darting around the room as she tried to find something, anything comforting to hold onto. Mr Fluffy sat alone, looking as lost as she did. Maybe if she held onto him, it would help. 

Abb sat bolt upright, with another sudden scream. "Trowa!" His forehead was damp, tears streaming down his face even though his eyes were still closed. Daddy shifted, holding him close, rocking him back and forth whispering to him, trying to calm him, while Alicia sat at the end of the bed doing the same for Mr Fluffy. 

"It's okay, Cat." He repeated the phrase over and over. "I'm here. It's just a dream." Parents weren't supposed to do this. Abb always had the right words to say to her when she had nightmares, always knew how to scare the monsters away. How could this be happening to him? Parents didn't get scared. They just didn't.

"Daddy?" 

__

What's happening? 

"Daddy?"

__

What's wrong? Why would Abb want to die and leave them? He loved her and Daddy. 

"Daddy? I'm scared." Her voice rose in pitch, as he reached out pulling her close, trying to calm both of them. Alicia clung to him with one arm, tears rolling down her cheeks. "My heart hurts. Stop it hurting. I don't want it to hurt. I don't want Abb to hurt. Stop him crying. Please."

"Please." 

"It's okay, Alicia. I don't want him to cry either." Daddy stroked Abb's brow over and over, whispering calm words, trying to project calm feelings. After what seemed hours, but she later realised had been more like minutes, she began to feel better as Abb's ragged breathing evened out, and he went limp in Daddy's arms. 

The monsters torturing him had decided to go away. 

"Do you want Mr Fluffy to look after him?" She held out the old beloved soft toy timidly, trying to help in the only way she knew how. Daddy gave her a small smile, though his eyes still looked sad, and he tucked the rabbit in next to Abb, bending to kiss his husband gently on the cheek before leading Alicia from the room. 

"Why was Abb crying?" Alicia shivered, and Daddy picked her up and carried her back to bed. A thought struck her as she remembered how she and Michael had upset their parents the day before when they'd found a pile of old newspaper clippings. Michael, being nine and better at reading, had told her they were about the 'war' and the 'preventers' but Uncle Heero had taken the papers away from them before they could find out anything else. "Was it something I did?"

Daddy turned to face her, and she noticed his eyes were wet, as though he were trying not to cry. What was wrong? Daddy didn't cry, only she was supposed to do that. Abb cried sometimes, she knew that, even though he tried not to do it in front of her. "Daddy?" she asked again, reaching into the pocket of her dressing gown for a hanky to wipe his face.

"It's okay, Alicia." He placed both hands on her shoulders, and planted a kiss on her forehead. "It's nothing you've done. You've made us both very happy, don't you ever forget that." There was a pause. "Something happened a long time ago…" Daddy stopped, as though not sure what to say.

Alicia nodded, brushing one small hand through his hair, lifting the bit which always wanted to cover one eye so she could see him properly, all of him. "You don't have to tell me. It's okay." She sniffled slightly, using the damp hanky to blow her own nose, then crawled back under her covers, hugging the old pink rabbit Uncle Duo and Uncle Heero had given her when she was little.

"Would you like me to stay?" Daddy was still worried about Abb, she could feel it with her spaceheart, but she could be brave. After all she was seven now and tonight Abb needed him more. 

Alicia shook her head, and pulled the rabbit closer. "I've got Little Fluffy, you go back and look after Abb." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I know he's got Mr Fluffy, but I think…he needs you more." She wriggled under the covers further, and closed her eyes. "Goodnight, Daddy. Love you."

His lips touched the top of her head, and he ran his fingers through her hair. "We love you too, Alicia." He paused at the door, before turning off the light. "Thank you."

*******

"Alicia?" Abb's voice brought her back to the present with a jolt. She hadn't thought of that night for years and wasn't sure of the reason for the sudden trip down memory lane.

"Sorry, I was just…" Her voice tailed off, reflecting her uncertainty of how to put the incident into words. Maybe he was right? Maybe sharing would help. After all in an indirect way both he and Daddy were part of what had happened. Alicia felt her temper rise again as she remembered what the teacher had said. How dare she? "Miss Harris at school. She….she didn't believe me when I told her you and Daddy were Gundam pilots." The words tumbled out over each other as her father led her out into the kitchen and sat her at the table. "It was awful, the class was laughing at me. I could tell."

Abb's concern changed to something quite different and Alicia wondered for a moment if she had done the right thing. She'd seen it before, the sudden quietness, the way his eyes flashed momentarily, his lips thinning as his mind calculated the strategy he would take against those who had dared upset those he cared about. Her father didn't get pissed off, to coin a phrase of Uncle Duo's, very often, but this was the expression which usually preceded it. Part of her did an inner high five as she thought of Miss Harris and what would happen once Quatre Winner discovered what she'd done to his daughter. Then immediately she felt guilty for having had the desire in the first place.

Abb raised one blond eyebrow. "Guilt?" he asked. "Am I missing something?" He walked over to the bench and flicked the switch on the jug, reaching into the cupboard for the container of hot chocolate. "Maybe we should start from the beginning. Like why the information that Daddy and I are…" He corrected himself, "were Gundam pilots became a topic for classroom discussion." 

Abb never missed anything. Alicia made a mental note to herself to watch her empathic shielding. Not that she wanted to keep secrets from her parents, but there were certain things teenagers just didn't share. Her fathers were cool, but…they were still her fathers. She knew they must have been fifteen once. Surely they understood. 

Her father filled two mugs with the hot chocolate, keeping a close eye on her as he kept talking. "Take a minute to think over the situation, then we'll talk," he told her, leaning over the table to ruffle her hair in an affectionate gesture, as she tried to collect her thoughts. "Okay?" 

He gave her a quick hug to reinforce his support before his eyes darted towards the door. A warm smile crossed his lips and within a few minutes she heard the front door open, then close again. "In here, Trowa," he called, grabbing a third mug from the cupboard and the box of tiny marshmallows. 

Daddy entered the kitchen, shrugging off his jacket as he turned on the tap over the sink to wash his hands. Abb's smile grew wider, and there was a twinkle in his eyes. "Good day?" he asked, running a hand gently across Daddy's face, then licking his finger. "Hmmm, I see you've been sprayed with milk while you were feeding the lion cubs again. Might have to help you get rid of that later." 

Daddy leaned forward, sampling Abb's mouth in a brief kiss. "I can't taste it. Maybe you're mistaken." Their lips met again, the second kiss lasting a good minute as Abb put the cup in his left hand on the bench and focused his attention on proving his point. Daddy's arm snaked out, catching Abb in an embrace and holding him close. "Almost tasted it that time," he remarked. "Maybe third time lucky?"

Alicia rolled her eyes, guessing what was coming. Did all kids have to put up with their parents flirting the way she did? She discreetly turned away, concentrating on counting the number of tiles on the floor. Not to her surprise there weren't any more than there had been the last time. Tiles didn't tend to change in number overnight. 

She coughed discreetly, then turned, just in time to see Daddy and Abb come up for air. "Bedroom's upstairs, second on the left," she pointed out helpfully. Much as she rejoiced in the fact her parents were so very much in love, unlike quite a few of her friends who related stories of living in domestic war zones, at times it was nothing short of embarrassing. 

"Thanks. We know where to find it." Daddy's mouth turned up in a minute smirk, as he ran his fingers through Abb's hair in a gesture of affection. 

Abb interlinked his fingers through Daddy's, pausing momentarily as their eyes met, then moved away to rescue the hot drinks before following Daddy to the table. 

Daddy took a seat, sipped his drink then caught her off guard with the sudden change of subject. "What happened at school today?" Why was it so difficult to keep secrets in this place? Had her emotions been running so high that Daddy had picked up on them as well? 

Her fathers exchanged another glance and she decided to jump in before her good intentions deserted her. "We're studying the war," she began, watching them carefully to gauge their reaction. 

Daddy raised one eyebrow.

Abb said nothing, but she could feel a shifting in his empathic shields, even as Daddy shifted closer towards him. 

They both waited patiently for her to continue. "The history books are stupid, and Miss Harris thinks she has all the answers when she knows nothing."

"Alicia…." _Be nice._ The unspoken warning in Abb's voice came across loud and clear, even though she could tell he could see how annoyed she was. Part of him sympathised, she knew him well enough to know that, but the other went through the motions of doing the parenting thing. 

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Anyway, we were studying the war and Miss Harris was rambling on about how most people our parents' age could still remember when the Libra was about to hit the Earth and how Relena Peacecraft was instrumental in saving the day."

Daddy and Abb glanced at each other. "That's an interesting interpretation of events," Daddy commented. "Go on…" His voice had taken on that calm even quality, as he weighed up the information she was sharing.

Alicia cleared her throat nervously, and twisted her hair around one finger. "She then went on to tell us how the Eve Wars were seen as many as a romance story, with the actual war as the backdrop of the love affair between Queen Relena and Heero Yuy, the Gundam pilot."

Daddy reached out a hand to pat Abb on the back, as his hot chocolate went down the wrong way. Abb sat coughing, tears running down his face as he struggled to regain his composure. "Allah," he spluttered. "I haven't heard that one before." He wiped his eyes with his handkerchief. "I hope like hell Duo and Heero haven't either. Where do these so called historians dig up this garbage?"

"Obviously from the people who weren't there," Daddy commented dryly. "Alicia," he asked, "have you got a copy of your text with you?" Alicia nodded, feeling confused, at her fathers' reaction. 

"Uncle Heero and Relena were….er……friends during the war," Abb explained, a slight smile on his face. "I suspect the historians would be very interested to know that four of the five Gundam pilots were gay. It kind of blows the romance angle out of the water, and puts a whole new spin on things." He shook his head. "People only see what they want to. Mind you none of us did anything to dispel any of the rumours flying around after the war. Sometimes it's safer that way." A slight grimace crossed his features, as his eyes grew distant, gazing not at his family but instead backwards into the past. "We made too many enemies, Trowa," he reached out and ran his hand tenderly over his husband's before taking a sip from his drink. "Too many people tried to get revenge through the people we loved. No wonder we let the historians write their version and didn't interfere. It seemed the right thing to do at the time, but now…" His voice trailed off.

Daddy finished his sentence for him. "Now you're not so sure…" Alicia noticed one long finger rub absently against Abb's wedding band, as he moved closer in an almost protective stance. When he spoke again his voice was firm, reassuring. "It was the only option at the time, especially considering what we'd just been through."

Alicia frowned, sure she was missing something, but chose to ignore it, instead filing in the 'things she really didn't know about her fathers' section of her mind. One day, she thought, she'd learn the truth, but only when they were ready to share, not before. She only hoped that day would come sooner rather than later "Do you want me to get the text book, Daddy?" she asked.

Daddy nodded. "Please. Then you can tell us what else happened. I suspect there is more than this than you've told us so far."

Alicia ran from the room to where she'd thrown her bag and rummaged through it quickly, flipping through the discs in her bag until she found the correct one. She hooked her laptop under one arm, and re-entered the kitchen, not surprised to notice the conversation suddenly come to a halt as she came within clear earshot. 

"So what else happened?" Abb wanted to know. "You still haven't told us when the fact we were Gundam pilots entered the conversation." She'd had a feeling that would be next. Not answering the question beforehand wouldn't mean that she'd be able to avoid it indefinitely. Now she'd started on the story of her fun day at school she might as well tell the whole thing, warts and all.

She tried to sound apologetic even though she wasn't. "I wasn't going to say anything, but the rest of the class kept going on about how cool the war was, how much fun it must have been." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And I couldn't let them think that. I've heard you talking. I've heard my uncles talking. Then a couple of the boys started saying things like….being a Gundam pilot must have been so cool. 'Wow, killing all those bad guys. They must have loved it.'"

Abb shook his head sadly. "We never loved it. We only did it because there was no choice, because someone had to protect those who couldn't protect themselves." He paused. "Duo told me once that he should be the only one to fight, the only one to suffer. We all lost a part of ourselves for every life we took. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get that back." 

Alicia interupted a little too sharply; the tone in her father's voice was scaring her with its intensity. "I told them they were wrong. That they couldn't know because they weren't there. Billy Hunter asked me why I was the big authority on the subject, what gave me the right to be 'Miss Know-it-all'"

Daddy said softly. "And you told him it was because we were Gundam pilots." There was a hint of pride in his voice, and all doubts in Alicia's mind that she'd done the wrong thing shattered under the umbrella of approval she felt coming from them both. 

"Trowa?" Abb had picked the info disc off the table and was flipping it over and over in his hands, a sure sign his mind was heading into overdrive. 

__

Uh oh. No, you can't be serious. 

"Hmmmm?" Daddy gazed at Abb, green eyes met turquoise, and something flashed between them. 

__

Oh crap. 

Alicia knew that look, that unspoken signal. Once the two were united in a common goal her chances of halting their decided course of action was non-existent. She mentally crossed her fingers, hoping her suspicions were wrong. Much as she appreciated their support, this was not the way she wanted events to precede. 

Abb's voice was firm, suggesting in its tone that she would be wasting her time attempting to disagree with his decision. "I think it's time we paid a visit to Miss Harris and corrected this misinformation, don't you?"

Alicia groaned aloud. This was going to be nothing short of embarrassing. Having your parents coming in to talk to your teacher at her age just didn't happen. _What did you expect they would do_? asked a small inner voice, and she mentally blew a raspberry at it. 

Daddy nodded in agreement. "I suspect the contents of this disc might be quite interesting." There was a glint in his eye, something Alicia couldn't put her finger on; one of the rare glimpses of the soldier he'd once been. "These children should know the facts. Romanticising war is dangerous."

Abb nodded, stood and put his arms around her. "We're not doing this to embarrass you, Alicia. If these kids don't know the truth, what's to stop the next generation repeating the same mistakes? You did the right thing, standing up in class. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

She returned the hug, taking comfort in the thought which, as it decided to enter her head unannounced, made her realise things could be a whole lot worse. 

Imagine if Michael's parents had discovered the fictitiousness story of the wartime romance between Uncle Heero and the true heroine of the Eve Wars….

Yes, her best friend's decision not to share the reason he'd flunked out of History had been a wise one. Both for his family and the continued smooth running of the school. As Michael had so poetically put it at the time – 'would you risk pissing off your parents by telling them that recorded history shows one of them being in love with someone else?' 

__

No way. 

__

Oh Crap. 

She'd forgotten that was on there. 

Alicia put her hand out for the disc. "Maybe it's better that I just tell you what's on it. Save you the trouble of wading through some of the stuff you don't need to bother with. All the facts and figures….the boring…"

Daddy shook his head, loaded it into the machine and began to read. "Quatre…" he said, a peculiar choking noise coming from his throat. "I don't believe this…"

Abb released his hold on Alicia, ran his eye over the text, and turned pale_. Oops,_ she thought. _Too late._ She glanced over their shoulders quickly to confirm her suspicions and quietly left the room before they read the rest of the article.

__

'Heero Yuy wasn't the only Gundam pilot to find love during the war….'

*******

TBC


	2. Chapter Two

Lest We Forget

By Anne

Author's notes: This fic is part of the 'Outlasting Time' arc, which is obviously being written way out of order *grins. For more information and to read the other stories in the series check out the following http://www.angelfire.com/ab7/shadesandechoes/outlastingtime.html

Disclaimer: 

Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. I promise to return the boys when I'm finished.

Alicia Bloom Winner and Michael Maxwell-Yuy belong to their respective parents, and as said parents are ex Gundam pilots and a tad overprotective, ask before you borrow.

Mr Fluffy appears courtesy of Maureen. 

Thanks to: Raletha for beta reading, encouragement and long chats on AIM in the wee small hours of the morning (my time) and first thing in the morning (her time). She was a great source of information, especially re chanelling a certain character ;) *hands over tissue to wipe fangirl drool.

Also to Maureen and Bast for feedback, encouragement and beta reading comments. 

Dedication : This one's for Maureen, it's her fic in exchange for /Accelerando A Piacere/, which I love. 

Special thanks also goes to Ash for her wonderful Arabian/English dictionary. 

/_Abb/_ means 'father' and /_hadeeya/_ translates as 'gift.' 

Feedback to : anneo@paradise.net.nz

******

Chapter Two

"Are you sure you need to do this?" Alicia asked for the tenth time that morning, as Daddy parked the car. Her fathers' eyes met, as she bent to retrieve her school bag from the back seat and Abb stifled a small smile. 

"Yes. Now stop worrying. We'll try to make this as painless as possible." He glanced around the school grounds as the three of them walked down the long driveway towards the main block housing her classroom. Abb paused at the bottom step, and held one hand across his brow to shade his eyes from the bright sun, as he took in the surrounding trees. The wind ruffled his hair, blowing a few stray locks across his face, as he closed his eyes and smiled, enjoying the moment in an almost childlike awe. "I'll never get used to this, after growing up on the colonies. Science just can't imitate nature to this degree." He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the crisp morning air. "It makes it all worth while, doesn't it? What we did."

Daddy nodded his agreement before his gaze settled on group of younger children playing in the group of trees by the front entrance, and Alicia felt something akin to regret and sadness coming from him. "Were we ever that young, Cat?" He asked the question so softly that she suspected hadn't been meant to overhear.

Abb's moved closer, placing a hand on Daddy's shoulder. It was a simple gesture but Alicia could sense the closeness, the shared pain between them, as Abb offered comfort in the only way open to him in such a public place. Even though most people were accepting these days of same sex relationships, there were still a few who weren't. Coupling that with the fact that Daddy was a very private person, they tended to be careful about displaying their affection in full view of others. 

At home, or among close friends, such as her uncles, it was a different story. She still wasn't sure what the story was behind some kiss Abb and Uncle Duo had shared way back when, but it was something Daddy brought up on occasion to keep her uncle in line when his teasing and wolf whistles got out of hand. 

"None of us had what these kids take for granted," Abb replied, following Daddy's gaze. He blinked as though waking from a dream, or maybe a memory, and glanced at his pocket watch. "We'd better hurry if we want to catch Miss Harris before school starts."

Alicia nodded. That line of reasoning she agreed with, totally. This ordeal was going to be bad enough without others learning of it so that they could tease her later. She could just imagine that Billy Hunter dork now if he found out. _'Know it all Winner got her daddy to come to school and talk to the teacher. '_

"Hey! Uncle Cat, Uncle Tro, wait up." That voice could only belong to one person. Michael waved a greeting, nearly losing the bag slung over his shoulder in the process, as he skidded to a halt. Intense blue eyes met hers in an unspoken question and she nodded, then shrugged.

Abb sighed. "Is there anything that goes on in our house that you _don't _know about, Michael?" 

__

Oops. Obviously the two-hour phone call to her friend last night hadn't gone unnoticed. 

"Nope." Michael grinned, then his tone turned serious. "You aren't really going to talk to Miss Harris, right?" Alicia could tell at a glance what was going through his mind, and so by the look on her father's faces, could they.

"You failed this class when you took it two years ago?" Daddy got straight to the point, as usual. "Was it because your point of view differed to that of the teacher's?" 

Michael shrugged. "Something like that. Anyway it's in the past." He hesitated. "You're not going to mention this to Dad and Otosan?"

Abb's voice was soft, but firm. "I can't promise that, Michael." His mouth turned up in a small smile. "It will be okay. Probably they'll be more upset about the fact you let them think you failed the class because you didn't care enough to work hard." 

"You knew?" 

Abb shook his head. "I knew you weren't giving the real reason, and so did they. But they figured you'd share when you were ready." He stopped, as though collecting his thoughts to continue, then noticed they were at Alicia's classroom. "We can talk later if you'd like, okay?"

Michael shook his head, his normally bubbly personality more subdued than usual. "Nah, it's alright, Uncle Quatre. I think it's something I need to handle on my own, with my dads. Something _I_ need to fix, but thanks for the offer." He ruffled Alicia's hair with his fingers, ignoring Daddy's glare, then broke into his normal grin. "See you later, kid. Have fun." Then he was gone, and all she could see was his mop of brown hair disappearing around the corner of the corridor as he raced to his own classroom in time to start the school day. 

"I sometimes wonder if there's any Heero in him at all," Daddy commented shaking his head. "At least ninety per cent Maxwell, there's no mistaking him as Duo's son."

Abb let out a small laugh. "Oh, the Yuy genes are just as strong - they surface when needed. I've seen enough over the years to know that." He pushed open the classroom door, and entered, eyes darting around for the teacher they'd come to see.

Miss Harris stood in front of the whiteboard, scribbling over it in a black pen. She turned at the sudden creak of the door, and smiled. "Good morning. How can I help you?"

Alicia clenched her hands by her side, annoyed at how the teacher always put on an act when other adults were present. Hopefully, this was going to be just as painful for Miss Harris as it was going to be for her. "These are my parents, Miss Harris."

The teacher's eyes shifted from one to the other, as she unsuccessfully tried to mask her surprise. _Winner one, teacher zero_, thought Alicia. _Bad Miss Harris, you haven't done your homework on my family background. _

Abb stepped forward, hand outstretched, the polite but luke warm tone in his voice suggesting her reaction had been duly noted. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Harris. I'm Quatre Raberba Winner, and this is my _husband,_ Trowa." Alicia tried to keep the smirk off her face as he emphasised the word husband. Uh oh. Miss Harris was about to learn that this was one of the sure fire ways of pissing off her father. 

Miss Harris hesitated, took the proffered hand, shook it, and then nodded a greeting at Daddy. He nodded back, but said nothing, instead opting to fix her with his one visible eye as he left Abb to do the talking. 

"What can I do for you, Mr Winner?" Her gaze shifted momentarily onto Alicia, then back towards her father, not even bothering to put down the marker in her hand or offer them a seat. 

Abb cleared his throat, then got straight to the point. "I believe there was some kind of misunderstanding yesterday during History…" 

Miss Harris cut across his words before he could continue. "I don't know what Alicia has told you, but she has yet to learn that I like to stick to the facts in my class."

Abb raised one eyebrow, and when he spoke again the tone in his voice had dropped several degrees. "And what makes you so sure that my daughter wasn't sticking 'to the facts'?" He exchanged a glance with Daddy, then continued. "From what I gather no untruths were told; in fact we are proud of her for standing up for her beliefs and attempting to set the record straight."

Miss Harris snorted, her knuckles growing white as she strengthened her grip around the thin marker pen. "Your daughter, Mr Winner, seems to be under the illusion that because you share the same surname, you were one of the Gundam pilots during the war." She pushed her glasses up her nose with her free hand, in a gesture that seemed to suggest, 'try and give me a satisfactory answer to that one.'

Alicia bit back a giggle; Daddy put a warning hand on her shoulder, and shook his head. _Abb will handle this. _She counted to ten slowly, then settled herself on one of the small student desks. Might as well be comfortable while watching the fireworks and the fun that would follow. Abb had had a lot of experience with stupid people; after all he hadn't been CEO of Winner Enterprises for years without knowing how to handle people like this. Miss Harris would wonder what had hit her. 

"We are…were… both Gundam pilots." Abb's answer was short and to the point. His eyes flashed but other than that he showed no outward sign of his true emotion. 

Miss Harris, in contrast, was giving an interesting imitation of a fish out of water. She swallowed a few times, then her skin tone started to turn red, before she let out a small artificial laugh. "Oh come on, Mr Winner. We've had our little joke." She ran an eye over him, shaking her head sadly.

Daddy tensed, and moved closer, obviously not impressed with the reaction. Not a good idea to insult Abb in front of Daddy. Miss Harris was in deep trouble, with any luck. Alicia crossed her fingers, wondering where they would hide the body.

"Mr Winner is quite serious," he said. "He is…was 04 and I was 03." He reached into his trouser pocket and removed his wallet, slipping out a familiar photo and placing it on the desk. Miss Harris would have no choice but to believe her now. Even though they were obviously much younger, there was no mistaking the likenesses of her parents, standing in front of their Gundams with the other pilots. "During the war I used the name Trowa Barton." 

The slight inflection in his voice made Alicia shiver, and she noticed not for the first time her parents' tendency to use the present tense, then correct it. Come to think of it, she'd heard her uncles do the same thing. She frowned. But the war had been years ago, why would they? 

Abb turned his head towards her, his expression unreadable and the feeling she detected from him equally unreadable. It was familiar but the reason why was just out of reach when she searched her memory. She slammed down her empathic shields, trying to ignore it, speaking out while he was distracted. "I told you I was telling the truth, Miss Harris," she said triumphantly, unable to resist getting her victory across.

Abb shot her another look, this time of disapproval, and she turned away, feeling guilty for the cheap shot she taken against the teacher. There was no way she could have expected this answer. _Nah_, she decided with a sudden change of heart. _Poop and pox. She should have believed me in the first place, then none of this would have happened._

Miss Harris had gone from red to white, then she sat down suddenly in her chair, realising her earlier assumptions had been totally off the mark. When she spoke her voice was smooth, in an attempt to correct her earlier mistake. "I'm sorry, Mr Winner. I just presumed…" She blinked rapidly. "After all you don't look old enough to have done what you claim."

There was a sadness and regret in Abb's voice. "We were fifteen," he said quietly. "That's old enough to kill and ..." He paused, and Daddy continued for him.

"It's dangerous to assume information about something or someone when you don't have all the facts." His voice was calm and controlled as it always was in public, but she could sense a reflection in his heart of what she'd heard in Abb's voice. Daddy felt the same regret and sadness, but he was better at concealing his emotions. 

Could all these things they never talked about be connected with the war? Was that why they were so insistent on coming to talk to Miss Harris?

Miss Harris scrolled down on the screen on her desk before speaking, and when she did there was a degree of surprise in her voice. "You introduced yourself as Quatre Raberba Winner. Does this mean what I think it does?"

Abb nodded. "History is correct on that point, yes." He smiled sadly. "I suppose I should be surprised they actually got our names right, considering a lot of everything else they proclaimed as the truth was far from it." He leaned over her shoulder and read aloud, shaking his head. "'04 used the name of the heir of the pacifist Winner family.' Sometimes it's easier to hide the truth in plain view. I used the name because it _is_ my name."

Miss Harris nodded vaguely, then frowned. Her eye ran down the page further, she glanced between Abb and Daddy, but said nothing. 

Alicia rolled her eyes. _Typical_, she thought. Ask about that stuff but not about the things you're uncomfortable with. _Obviously the stories about my father's so called love affair are wrong, but you're not going to comment on that one. _

Miss Harris rose to her feet, and held out her hand, ready to dismiss them before the conversation could drift onto subjects she'd rather not discuss. "Thank you for coming into put the matter straight, Mr Winner. I appreciate it."

__

Hah.

Abb coughed. "I don't believe our conversation is finished, Miss Harris. There is still another matter concerning us." Alicia put her hand over her mouth to cover her smirk. Silly Miss Harris; thinking her fathers would leave without completing their task. Of course they would make the teacher apologise to her before they left.

His next words took her by surprise. "The way this class is being taught disturbs us somewhat. The war should not be seen as some backdrop against which a romance story took place. It was horrific, especially for those of us who lived through and fought in it. We didn't pilot the Gundams for fun, Miss Harris. We piloted them because it was the right thing to do; so that others wouldn't have to suffer, to protect those who couldn't protect themselves."

A voice interrupted them from behind. "You guys were Gundam pilots? Wow. That must have been so cool." The boy's voice was full of awe, and excitement. He nudged the group of kids who had entered the room with him, and Alicia realised they must have been standing there listening for some time. 

"Could they stay and talk to us, Miss Harris?"

"We _are_ studying the war, Miss Harris."

"Please…"

Miss Harris didn't seem impressed, but to Alicia's surprise she nodded. "Maybe Mr Winner would like to show me how the topic should be taught, as obviously my meagre attempts are not up to his standard." The tone in her voice relayed none of the sarcasm behind the words, and the rest of her class looked at Abb expectantly, their eyes wide in anticipation, totally missing the true motive for the teacher's agreeing to their request.

Abb hesitated, then exchanged a glance with Daddy. Something passed between them, then Abb smiled. "Okay, we'll stay for a while and answer some questions." Alicia could feel the wave of excitement ripple through the room, and about a dozen hands shot into the air before he could change his mind. 

"Yes?" Abb pointed to the tall boy in the third row and Alicia grinned. Bryan was way into war gaming; she knew what his question would be about. 

"The Gundams were so cool. Which one did you pilot and what was it like?" Obviously the class had only picked up on the tail end of the conversation. They knew her parents were pilots but none of the details. 

There was a sense of pride and affection in Abb's voice as he replied. She'd heard it before, in varying degrees in all the pilots' voices, but especially in his and Uncle Duo's when they spoke about their mecha. It was almost as though they'd bonded with their Gundams in some way, perceiving them as living beings, rather than just machines. It was weird, but in a cool kind of way. 

"My name is Quatre Raberba Winner," he began. "During the war I was 04 - Gundam Sandrock's pilot." The kids grew wide eyed and she could see them hanging on every word.

Bryan interrupted. "Sandrock was cool. It had those shotel things that sliced through the bad guys, right?" He was practically drooling, Alicia noticed to her amusement, as he drank in every word her father said. 

Abb nodded. "The heat shotels were in appearance similar to massive curved swords. Sandrock is…was…heavily armoured, designed for both maximum power and protection." Abb smiled as he remembered. "Heavy to handle too, but very reliable. He's good for close combat, especially on the ground in the desert regions." His smile grew wistful, as his voice dropped to a whisper, losing himself for the moment in the memories of the past. "I owe Sandrock my life, on more than one occasion."

Another hand shot up. Jason, a stout boy with wire framed glasses, asked the next question. "But didn't Heavyarms have a lot more fire power?" he asked. "No offense, Mr Winner, but I think it must would have won against Sandrock hands down, any time."

Abb's laughed. "I surrendered to his pilot, so I guess we'll never know." He glanced over at Daddy who was leaning back against the wall of the classroom following the conversation, and the corners of his mouth turned up in a smirk. 

Jason's hand shot up and he spoke quickly, getting in before anyone else could. "You surrendered?" He sounded puzzled, but continued onwards as his mind returned quickly to his previous comments. "Sandrock sounds cool, but I'd love to know about the others, especially Heavyarms. That machine could really kick some serious butt." He blushed, embarrassment washing off him in waves, as he realised he'd probably, in a round about way, just insulted the man in front of him. 

Abb just grinned. "It could at that. But maybe if you want details you should ask his pilot." He paused, and Alicia could see Jason's mind going into overdrive as he noticed the other visitor in the classroom. It was seriously weird how Daddy could melt into the shadows when he wanted to. One of these days she was going to work out how so she could do it herself. "Trowa?"

Jason's jaw hit the floor. "Trowa Barton?" His voice came out in a high pitched yelp as he struggled to control his excitement. "As in 03's pilot?" Yep, Jason was in love with Daddy's Gundam. Alicia shook her heads. Boys and their obsession with anything mechanical. Still she had to admit - the Gundams were seriously cool. 

Daddy's voice had a faint air of amusement in it, as he straightened up and readied himself to answer Jason's eager questions. "Yes, " he confirmed. "I used the name Trowa Barton during the war. And yes, I …was… the pilot of Gundam Heavyarms." He fixed his gaze on the excited teenager, before continuing. "Heavyarms was equipped with some serious firepower…"

Abb interrupted with a grin. "Although it did seem to run out of ammo at some very inopportune moments, if I remember correctly." He paused. "But the real reason why, which the history books wouldn't know, is that you fought each battle with everything you had. By the time you ran out, there wasn't generally much left standing to worry about." His eyes glazed over momentarily. "Even in that white Taurus, you kept going even when most would have given up." There was pride in his voice, but his next words, spoken in a whisper almost to himself, were tinged with sadness and for some reason, guilt. "You acted on instinct even when you didn't have your memories to back you up."

"Quatre?" Daddy sounded concerned, though Alicia doubted anyone else in the room noticed. She frowned at her father's reference to lack of memories. There was so much about the war they wouldn't talk about. She remembered overhearing Uncle Duo and Uncle Heero discussing something called ZERO, but it was a subject her fathers never mentioned, at least in her presence. 

Abb looked sad for a moment, then visibly pulled himself together. "I'm fine, Trowa. Sorry, keep going. I shouldn't have interrupted."

Daddy paused, locking eyes with him across the room, until Jason, quite oblivious to anything but the fact pilot 03 was in the room about to answer _his _questions, waved his hand in the air. "What exactly did Heavyarms use to blow the hell out of everything? Could you tell us some details about the armament?"

Daddy and Abb seemed more amused about Jason's choice of words than Miss Harris at this point. "Jason," she chided. "Watch your language. This is still my classroom." Jason blushed and sat fidgeting in his seat, waiting impatiently for Daddy to answer. 

"Heavyarms was a walking arsenal of machine guns, gatlings and missiles more than capable of 'blowing the hell out of everything.'" The side of Daddy's mouth twitched as he quoted Jason's words back at him, and ignored the glare Miss Harris gave him for doing so. Implying Abb was lying earlier hadn't been a smart move on her part. "Part of the Gundam's strength was its ability to attack the enemy at extended range, unlike Sandrock, which was more suited to close combat."

Jason nodded excitedly, his hand in the air even before Daddy had finished talking. "How did you cope after you ran out of ammo? If the suit wasn't really equipped for hand to hand combat?" 

"There was an army knife mounted on the right forearm, which could be used if required." Daddy glanced around the room. "Any other questions?"

Jason's hand shot up again, and Alicia groaned. _Give it a rest, already,_ she thought. _We know you're the president of the Heavyarms fan club, but geez…_

"How did you get to be a Gundam pilot?" 

Miss Harris' voice cut across the classroom, and Jason cringed, knowing it was directed at him. "Last question, Jason. I'm sure these gentlemen have better ways of spending their mornings…"

"I was a mechanic working on the project. I was asked to take the original pilot's place when he …died during an accident." The tone in Daddy's voice suggested that particular subject was now closed, and Abb stepped in quickly to shift the topic onto something else. 

"Yes?" he asked, pointing to a red headed girl sitting in the front row. _This should be fun_, Alicia thought, knowing full well what Becca's question would be. She'd gone on about the topic since they'd started this class, and Alicia was really looking forward to her reaction to the answer she wouldn't be expecting. 

"I think the story of Queen Relena's and Heero Yuy's romance was so…wonderful. But when I tried to find out whether they lived happily ever after, I kept finding references that she'd married someone called Joshua. Was that Heero Yuy's real name?"

Abb choked, leaned against the desk, and when he looked up there were tears running down his face, as he tried to contain his laughter. "Trowa," he asked in between gasps. "I think you'd better answer that one. I'm not sure I'm quite up to it at present." He made a noise suspiciously like a giggle and reached into his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe his eyes. 

Daddy kept his expression neutral as he answered in a deadpan voice, although the sides of his mouth turned up in a slight twitch. "Relena and Heero Yuy are very happily married although not to each other. Joshua Burns and Heero Yuy are not the same person." 

Becca didn't attempt to hide the disappointment written over her face. "Please tell me he married someone he met during the war." She put her hand over her heart in a dramatic gesture and Alicia couldn't help but roll her eyes. The girl was such a hopeless romantic. "I've always thought the pilots went off into the sunset in the arms of their one true love." She sniffled. "I couldn't bear it if they hadn't."

"Heero did marry someone he met during the war…" Daddy paused, and glanced at Miss Harris before continuing. She was going to love this revelation. "He married Deathscythe's pilot, Duo Maxwell."

Someone in the back of the classroom sniggered. "You can't be serious. The Gundam pilots were as straight as they come."

If looks could kill, Billy Hunter would be one very dead kid. "I'm very serious," Daddy said, walking over to Abb and laying a hand on his shoulder in a very rare gesture of public affection, his gold wedding band obvious to everyone in the class. _Yep_, thought Alicia, _Daddy's pissed off._ "History was mistaken about quite a few things, this being one of them." 

Abb moved closer to Daddy and smiled at Becca. "We didn't exactly go off into the sunset, " he said, "but I did find my 'one true love.' There's a reason why Sandrock and Heavyarms worked so well together." His smile grew broader as he met Daddy's gaze. "Meeting my husband was one of the good things which came out of the war."

A solitary hand waved in the dead silence following his simple but effective statement. It was Tim Evans, a very shy newcomer to the school; this was the first time he'd spoken in class. "You said you surrendered to 03…" His voice was quiet but clear, with a hint of wistfulness in it. "Was that when you met?"

Abb nodded. "I still remember that day as though it were yesterday. That was the first time I saw Trowa - standing on his Gundam, his hands raised in surrender." 

Tim sighed, then frowned. "But I thought you said you surrendered to _him_?"

Daddy's voice was soft, as he lost himself in the memories. "I was fighting the enemy in Corsica; Sandrock appeared as I ran out of ammo, and saved me." He paused, a small smile tugging on his lips. "We fought each other, not knowing whether the other suit was friend or foe at first, then Quatre…Mr Winner, stepped out of his Gundam, and so did I."

Abb continued the story. "Neither of us had seen another Gundam before but I knew somehow that we shouldn't be fighting each other." His hand closed over Daddy's, in an unmistakable gesture of affection. "It was, for both of us, the turning point in the war, knowing we weren't the only ones fighting. We'd hadn't been told there were other Gundams."

Tim spoke again, louder this time, as though the story her fathers had told had somehow helped him to find some degree of self confidence. "So your relationship really began on that day?" He twisted his pencil around his fingers, his eyes shining in a way which reminded her of Becca when she had been drooling over the so called romance stories. His reaction puzzled her as did the hope trickling from him, followed closely by envy.

Abb returned the small shy smile the boy was giving both him and Daddy. "Everyone finds the right person eventually," he said softly. Tim nodded, growing quiet again and the penny dropped. 

Could Tim be gay? It made sense, the way the older kids had teased him but clammed up when she and Michael approached. She still remembered the time Michael had caught some bullies picking on someone unable to defend himself, just because of some rumour about his sexuality. He'd kicked some serious butt that day, using some fancy moves his parents had taught him. Even though Uncle Heero and Uncle Duo had reprimanded him for taking things into his own hands, she'd sensed the pride coming from them; that he'd stood up for what was right. 

Paul Carter put up his hand. "Did you ever get captured?" His words stumbled over each other in his attempt to get them out. "Did you have to go undercover…pretend to work for the enemy to get vital information?"

Abb nodded. "Trowa can answer the second question, infiltrating was his speciality. As for the first…" He grew quiet and shivered before continuing. Anger, sorrow and guilt disappeared behind strong empathic shielding before Alicia barely registered their presence, leaving in their wake a sense of hesitation and something akin to fear, before it too vanished as she felt her father's inner struggle to deal with whatever the memories had brought with them.

Daddy had obviously sensed Abb's distress - he leaned over and whispered something in his husband's ear, his voice too low to be overheard. Abb shook his head, and squeezed Daddy's hand before speaking. "The war was horrific for both sides," he said. "I know it's hard for you kids to understand - to you it must read like an adventure story." His voice shook slightly for a moment, then grew firm again. "Imagine how you would feel being chained to a wall in a small cell, unable to even sit up straight because the handcuffs are too tight, and deliberately designed so you can't get comfortable. Watching your friend lying unconscious on the bunk next to you, hoping he's going to wake up, that the blood from the wound on his head is only superficial, but unable to tell for sure because you can't get near him. Knowing he'd followed you straight into a trap."

Abb swallowed, then continued, not seeming to notice the quietness in the room. "And when Heero and I were led in chains to be executed and I saw…" His eyes misted over, and Daddy moved still closer towards him. "We all made mistakes, we were human…" 

"Quatre?" Daddy's concern was apparent even to the rest of the class, but Abb gave a small smile of reassurance. /_Chains? Executed?/_ Alicia gripped the side of her chair as the words her father used registered, and her stomach heaved at the imagined scene. She'd known they'd faced death during the war but to hear it in so many words… 

"It's okay, Trowa." Even with the effort he was making, her father couldn't keep his voice free of emotion. "There's a reason why we are telling you…" Abb shifted his attention away from Daddy, forcing himself to focus on the kids in front of them, "about our experiences, about what happened. No one should have to go through what we did." Abb pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes, then placed his hand on the desk, to hide the fact it was shaking. "I sometimes even forget how young we were…the memories are so vivid, at times it seems like only yesterday."

"How young you were?" Jason, the boy who had wanted to know about Daddy's Gundam, asked the question in almost a whisper.

Abb nodded. "We were fifteen. The same age you are now." He cleared his throat, then pulled the watch he always carried out of his pocket and glanced at it. "We'll answer a couple more questions then I'm sure Miss Harris would like to continue with your scheduled lesson." The forced bright tone in his voice didn't quite cover the obvious change of subject - the shifting from a topic her father didn't want to dwell on.

Daddy stepped forward to fill the silence, enabling Abb to recover before it was time to leave. "To answer your question about infiltration. I joined OZ as a test pilot. Sometimes the only way to discover the enemies' plans and disrupt them is from the inside."

Another hand shot up, interrupting his story. "You speak of OZ as the enemy. I've always been confused about who you were fighting against. There's so much conflicting information. I remember reading that the colonies even sided with OZ at one stage and said the Gundam pilots were the enemy."

Daddy nodded. "It was a confusing time, with allegiances shifting and changing as the war progressed. We were fighting for freedom from oppression, for the colonies and for peace, for the ideals of peace rather than military objectives."

Abb added, "We fought to protect the innocent, to fight for those who couldn't." He seemed calmer than he had, Alicia could feel him losing some of his anxiety, as he focused on listening to Daddy talk.

The boy nodded his thanks, and added another question. "Did you do have to do anything you regretted, to maintain your cover?"

Daddy's hesitation went unnoticed by everyone but his family. "Yes," he said quietly. "OZ had captured a Gundam, and as a final test of my loyalty I was ordered to destroy it."

"So did you?" Alicia wanted to tell him to shut up. Couldn't he see the memory was making Daddy uncomfortable?

Her father gave a slight nod. "Refusing to would have confirmed their suspicions that I wasn't to be trusted." He paused, noticeably this time. "My cover was already in jeopardy. I had no choice." 

Peter still didn't get the hint, and frantically scrolled down the page on his laptop. "I knew I'd read something about that. Deathscythe was the one blown to bits, then…." His brow creased into a frown, as his eye travelled further down the screen. "It says here that there was an unconfirmed rumour that one of the Gundams was responsible for wiping out several colonies." His tone was almost accusing, as he asked the next question. Alicia could feel both her fathers cringe even before he put it into words, almost as though they knew what was coming. "I thought you said the pilots were fighting for the colonies. How could one of you destroy what you were supposed to be protecting?"

Abb made a small choking noise, and Alicia put a hand over her heart as she felt an echo of the pain he was feeling. He pulled himself upright, and opened his mouth, but Daddy spoke first.

"War is an evil thing. We don't always react the way we usually would…." Daddy stopped and fixed his gaze on Abb. "No, Cat," he said, his voice firm, but gentle, his tone so low that she had to strain to hear what he was saying. "You can't keep blaming yourself for this. It was ZERO…." The last word was emphasised, the enunciation deliberate, even though she had no idea of its significance. 

ZERO again. Judging by both their reactions no wonder her uncles had refused to answer her questions, and made her promise never to ask about it. "When your fathers are ready they will explain," Uncle Heero had told her, but had refused to talk about the subject further. 

Even Uncle Duo hadn't been willing to dwell on the subject. "It's in the past," he'd said. "It needs to stay there."

Abb was shaking, his eyes clouded with pain as he focused on something Alicia couldn't see. His hand went to his heart, gripping his shirt tightly he croaked out his reply. "I built it, Trowa. I have to take responsibility." 

"No. You. Don't." Daddy's voice was calm, calmer than flow of emotions she could feel spiraling out from him, even as he struggled to keep them under control. "You were under a lot of stress." 

"ZERO?"

"You built it?"

Abb shook his head, glancing around as though haunted by something no one else was aware of. Alicia doubted he was even aware of anyone else's presence but Daddy's. Both of them were focused totally on each other, ignoring the blank stares and comments running around the room. "I can still hear them screaming…" 

The other kids glanced between each other, trying to make sense of what her parents were saying. She could hear them whispering between themselves, as her fathers kept talking to each other in some kind of code only they could make sense of. 

Why had Abb said he had built it, and then shook his head? What was _it_? Or, had he been answering Daddy, oblivious to the questions directed to him following his outburst?

Alicia bit down on her lower lip and chewed on it, sensing the inner battle her father was losing as he tried to return his emotional state to an even keel. What was wrong with him? He seemed almost out of it, totally unaware of his surroundings. Didn't he and Daddy realise they had an audience, an audience who might draw some very bad conclusions regarding Abb's reaction? 

Daddy reached out and laid his hand on Abb's shoulder. "We were all responsible for what happened." Green eyes narrowed in concern, as he reached out on an empathic level to try and offer his husband some semblance of refuge from whatever was causing him so much pain. 

What did Daddy mean by 'they were all responsible'? She couldn't believe that either one of her parents or her uncles could be responsible for destroying any colonies. They just couldn't. They'd only fought because it had been the right thing to do. They'd only killed who they'd had to…at least that's what she had always believed. 

Abb reached out desperately with his space heart to latch onto some of the calmness Daddy was trying to project. If only he could use that as a barrier between himself and whatever he was trying to fight against, Alicia was sure he'd be okay.

He _had _to be okay. 

What the hell was going on? Alicia fought the urge to run to Daddy's side. Abb was hurting, she could sense it even through the shielding he and Daddy were attempting to construct to try and protect him from whatever it was he was so afraid of. 

"Are you all right?" Miss Harris' voice cut through the silence, it was the first time she had heard the teacher sound even remotely concerned about anyone. 

They ignored her, standing in silence, both focusing only on each other, on becoming one, as Daddy rubbed Abb's shoulder in a comforting circular motion. Eventually Abb pulled himself upright, although his still ragged breath and the beads of perspiration on his forehead suggested the effort involved in the action. 

Finally Daddy spoke, his voice detached, his concentration clearly elsewhere. "I'm sorry. We have to go. Mr Winner isn't feeling well." 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" asked Miss Harris, a surprising edge of concern in her voice. Did the teacher have a human side after all? Maybe there was hope for her yet. 

Abb spoke, very slowly and calmly, his voice unusually flat. "Thank you for your concern. I'll be fine." He paused, taking a deep measured breath and closing his eyes momentarily to collect himself, then continued. "I'm sorry for having to leave so abruptly."

Miss Harris nodded. "Thank you for your time," she said, and for a moment it seemed as though she actually appreciated their input. "I hope this hasn't been too…stressful for you." She turned to the class, her usual annoyed glare settling on her face as though she'd flicked a switch, and the small insight into her, past the mask she usually wore, was gone. "Class?" 

"Thank you, Mr Winner. Mr Barton." 

"My name is Winner, now, " Daddy corrected absently as he manoeuvred Abb gently towards the door. Before she even realised what was happening they were gone, several pairs of eyes staring at the spot where they'd just been standing.

"That was seriously weird," said Billy Hunter. 

"Cool…" enthused Jason, still lost in a Heavyarms induced haze. "Very cool."

"Interesting," muttered Peter, busying himself scrolling down his screen, the expression on his face suggesting his curiosity was piqued. 

Alicia approached the teacher's desk. "I'll be back in a minute, " she murmured under her breath, ignoring the protests from Miss Harris as she ran out of the room, intent on finding her parents before they left. 

Her footsteps echoed through the corridor, leather pounding against concrete as she glanced around frantically for any sign of her parents. Abb was_ not _okay, she knew him enough to know the lack of intonation in his voice for the facade it was. He was projecting an image, an image which would be discarded as soon as they were clear. 

"It's okay, Cat. I'm here." She heard Daddy's voice before she saw them, sensed Abb's turmoil even before that. Forcing herself to wade against the tide of the incoming whirlpool of emotion battering against her shielding, she came to an abrupt halt at the scene before her.

Daddy was leaning against the outside room of the building, trying to support Abb's limp body against his own. Hearing that quiet sobbing, those words of attempted comfort, she was suddenly face to face with memories from her past.

__

Abb writhed under the sheets, struggling against some imaginary enemy, against Daddy's attempts to calm him. "It's okay, Cat. I'm here. I'm here." Daddy put one strong arm about Abb, using the weight of his body to try and stop him hurting himself.

"I can still hear them screaming, even after all these years. I can feel their pain, sense their terror. I can't just pretend it didn't happen, or make excuses. They won't let me." The waves of guilt, loss and terror rolling over her were identical to those she'd felt all those years ago. The same emotions brought on by the same memories. 

"Daddy?" She was unable to keep the concern and fear out of her own voice, as she put two and two together. Were her father's nightmares somehow connected to the war time memories he couldn't bring himself to discuss? 

What had happened to him, to both of them? Part of her wanted to know, needed to know, the other was too scared to ask. 

For a moment she wished she hadn't seen this, hadn't seen her father lose control. Parents weren't supposed to do this. They were always supposed to be there for their kids – they weren't supposed to have their own demons they couldn't deal with. She'd always had this irrational belief that her parents' lives had somehow begun with her birth. The idea that they'd had gone through all this stuff, all these problems, before she'd even been thought of…Yes, she knew they had, seen the photos, heard the stories, but to see this….it brought it home in a way she'd never dreamed. 

"He'll be okay." Daddy sensed her distress and gave her a shaky smile. "We just need time." She stepped forward, wanting to help, but unsure if she could. 

Abb turned his head from his position on Daddy's shoulder, as though just becoming aware of her presence. "I'm sorry, " he whispered. "I didn't want you to see this. I…" He reached out his hand and gently stroked her cheek, as he echoed his husband's words. "I'll be okay." 

"Abb…" She struggled to find the right words, to reassure him – to do what he was trying to do for her, but couldn't. In the end she put her arms around him, and gave him a hug. 

"Alicia…" Abb's voice was still shaky, but somehow it seemed stronger. She hoped she'd been able to help in some way, that she'd added to what Daddy was sharing with him. 

Daddy continued for him. "We'll talk later, promise." He kissed the top of her head gently, the same way he had all those years ago when she'd told that Abb had needed him more. 

He still did.

She nodded, pulling away reluctantly, to retrace her steps to the classroom. "Love you," she whispered.

"We love you too, Alicia." She could sense the emotion behind the words from both of them, and she wiped the lone tear trickling down her cheek. Abb stepped forward, though still supported by Daddy and wiped it for her, his fingers smooth against her skin.

"Thank you."

*******

TBC


	3. Chapter Three

Lest We Forget

By Anne

Author's notes: This fic is part of the 'Outlasting Time' arc, which is obviously being written way out of order *grins. For more information and to read the other stories in the series check out the following http://www.angelfire.com/ab7/shadesandechoes/outlastingtime.html

Disclaimer: 

Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. I promise to return the boys when I'm finished.

Alicia Bloom Winner and Michael Maxwell-Yuy belong to their respective parents, and as said parents are ex Gundam pilots and a tad overprotective, ask before you borrow.

Thanks to: Raletha for beta reading, encouragement and getting up early for peeks at what I'd written while she'd been sleeping. The wonders of different time zones :) And for that wonderful information re a certain beverage *grins. 

Also to Maureen and Bast, for feedback, encouragement, helpful pointers and comments.

Dedication : This one's for Maureen, in exchange for /Accelerando A Piacere/ *sigh. Love that fic. 

Special thanks also goes to Ash for her wonderful Arabian/English dictionary. 

__

Abb means 'father' 

Feedback to : anneo@paradise.net.nz

******

Chapter Three

Alicia threw her bag into its usual position by the front door, relieved to be finally home. The day had gone so slowly, and the stupid questions from her classmates during morning break hadn't helped. 

"What was wrong with your father?"

"It must be so cool being related to the Gundam pilots."

In the finish she'd sought refuge in Michael's company, meeting him again at lunch. She was torn between making some excuse to run home and check on her father, and the knowledge that it was better to give him the space both he and Daddy needed. The hands on the clock had crawled for the remainder of the day, and the words on the screen in front of her had seemed jumbled, as her concentration levels had gone out the window. 

All she could think about was Abb. Why was he hurting? What had happened to cause him to react like that? Why so Daddy so worried? She knew it was something to do with the war, and mentally kicked herself that she'd never put two and two together before. In hindsight all the clues had been there. That first night she'd stumbled into their room, and seen her father at the mercy of the terrors haunting his dreams, had been after she'd asked questions about what she and Michael had seen in those old newspaper clippings. The nightmares didn't happen often but looking back they all could have been triggered by events or discussions she'd overheard concerning that same period of time.

AC195.

The Eve Wars.

Yet both Abb and Daddy had stressed they didn't regret they'd been Gundam pilots, in fact she sensed that Abb especially missed the adrenaline rush of the battle and the feel of Sandrock's controls under his hands. She suspected that although neither of them enjoyed the killing, the bonding of man and machine had been a part of their lives they'd found hard to leave behind. 

How could her fathers have such contrasting memories about the same period of time? They seemed able to talk quite comfortably about certain parts of the war and yet other related topics freaked them out. It didn't make sense. 

She stood for a moment, tentatively reaching out empathically for a sense of her parents, unsure as to what she should do. Abb's shielding wasn't as strong as usual, a sure sign he was asleep. At least there was no sign of his earlier agitation – there wasn't much in the way of emotion coming from him at all. It was like opening a familiar book to read a story only to find the pages were blank. She frowned. The only other time she'd felt that, her father had been drugged. Could he have taken something to help him sleep? Alicia shook her head. Things must have been fairly bad for that to happen. Abb tried to avoid sedatives, as he usually didn't react well to them afterwards. '_The cure was worse than the disease_,' he'd said once.

She strained her other senses, aware of how quiet it was, and heard the muted strains of a solo flute coming from the direction of the study. She slipped off her shoes, so as to not announce her presence and made her way quietly past the family room to the small room overlooking the garden. As she approached, Daddy's emotional state washed over her, the music he was playing intertwining with his feelings to create a weird sense of counterpoint as the melodies of his heart and instrument merged.

She opened the door quietly, surprised that she'd been able to enter the house without him noticing. It wasn't a good sign as to his state of mind. She tried to relax and focus, listening with both her heart and ears. He was playing _'The Old Road'_ (1), a favourite of both his and Abb's. 

Daddy swayed gently in time with the music as he blew over the mouthpiece of the old instrument. The legato notes filled the room as the tune started low, the long phrases gradually building to a crescendo, reaching out to express his melancholy and pain in a way words would never be able to. The pitch grew higher, a lone tear drifting down her father's cheek as he played on, lost in the world of his music. Desperately seeking solace, his fingers strengthened their grip around the flute, as he reached out for some form of anchor, something to use to block the pain of whatever memories had wounded both him and Abb so badly. 

He paused, resting his eyes on the violin lying in its case on the shelf in the corner, and she heard his breath hitch. He raised the flute to his lips once more and the tune changed. 

__

No Daddy, not that one. 

Not now. 

He played the first phrase, the violin melody normally present under the main tune of the flute obvious in its absence. The flute climbed higher, but the timbre of the piece wasn't the same, it lacked the other half of the tune it needed to be complete. The original tune had been for solo flute, but this arrangement needed both instruments – she'd never heard it played any other way. Instead of the wistful romantic conversation between two souls, it was now a mournful cry of pain, as Daddy subconsciously sought the one person who made him complete. This was their duet, not the one her parents had played together when they'd first met, but the one from their wedding. From what she'd been told when they'd finished and put down their instruments that day, there hadn't been a dry eye in the room. It spoke of love, of two soul mates, two halves of the one whole, of coming home. Or so they had explained to her, when she'd heard it for the first time years later and cried, not understanding why it had affected her so deeply inside. '_Music is the language of the soul', _Abb had told her. '_It can make you feel in its own special way.'_

Daddy was trying to capture that feeling by playing this now. The yearning for something temporarily out of reach, the need for Abb to join him, even though he wasn't able to, tore at her space heart as echoes of his pain cut through her like sharp knives. 

He shouldn't be doing this to himself. It wasn't right. _Stars Children_ (2) was their song, his and Abb's. Why was he trying to torture himself by playing it alone? It wasn't right with just the flute; it needed Abb's presence, his fingers caressing the strings of his violin, to make it complete. 

Daddy kept playing, unaware of anything but the music. Alicia slowly unclenched her hands – she hadn't even realised how lost she had become in the moment, in his pain, until she had consciously tried to distance herself from it, attempting to recover her own peace of mind. She reached out again for Abb, and was relieved he was still asleep. Picking up on Daddy's projected emotions wouldn't have helped his already fragile state.

Alicia sighed, unable to watch her father torturing himself any longer, and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. He had always been the anchor of their family, the cement melding them together through emotional crises. He and Abb worked as a team, overcoming, using their individual and joint strengths, whatever life threw at them – when one of them was debilitated, the other filled the breach left. Or so they had in the past.

She'd never seen this reaction from Daddy before, and it scared her. He was always the calm one. Always. 

Alicia took a deep breath, came to a decision and made her way to the kitchen. Daddy needed Abb, but as he wasn't able to give Daddy what was needed, she would have to try. She couldn't leave him hurting like this – he needed to talk, to know someone cared, to know someone was prepared to try and help him through his pain. 

She flicked the switch on the jug, got out the small stool, and rustled through the high cupboard above the sink. Somewhere in here was what she needed. Abb always made this for Daddy when he was upset about something, and somehow it seemed to help. Alicia paused, a small smile turning up the sides of her mouth. Truth be known, it was probably Abb's presence which helped more. The smile faded at the memory of her father crying, and upset at the thought she'd seen him not coping, and she bit back a sob. It wasn't fair they were both hurting because whatever had happened. All they had tried to do was do the right thing and help people. 

__

Poop and Pox, she muttered under her breath, letting out a cheer as she felt her fingers close around the small oval container. Now all she needed was the Frangelico. _Yeah, there it was. _

Alicia giggled in spite of the way she was feeling. Whenever she saw the strangely shaped bottle she remembered Uncle Duo's comments. "The bottle is shaped like a monk, because it's good stuff," he'd told her with a grin. "Just remember, quality not quantity. I still remember Uncle Heero's reaction to it, when I…er…accidentally…tipped half the bottle into his drink that time." He wolf whistled, and both Daddy and Uncle Heero glared at him. Abb just stifled a giggle, and whispered something into Daddy's ear. It had been the first time she'd ever seen him blush. 

Uncle Heero had snorted, and pretended to pull Uncle Duo's braid, rolling his eyes in feigned disgust. 

"Of course," said Uncle Duo, giving her a wink. "I could always tell your daughter the other uses for the bottle once it's empty."

Abb had gone as red as Daddy. "I told you that in confidence…" She'd never found out what they were referring to – Daddy had taken her by the arm and steered her into the other room, pointing out it was way past her bedtime. The weird conversation had always puzzled her. Not even Michael could work it out, though she suspected their parents would be horrified to learn they were even discussing it.

But she hadn't been able to look at the liquor bottle since without giggling. 

Climbing down the steps she reached into the cupboard for two cups, wiping the tears from her eyes. She'd needed a bit of light relief to help her cope with what was ahead. 

__

Thanks, Uncle Duo, she thought. He always seemed to provide the right words in these sorts of situations, knowing exactly what people needed to hear to give them the strength to go on when things were getting them down. 

She opened the container of Cadbury drinking chocolate, and piled two heaped teaspoon-fulls in each cup. The pure flakes of chocolate amongst the powder just gave it that extra rich flavour. Her fathers had taken a liking to it the first time they'd stayed with Aunt Laura in New Zealand, and she'd kept them supplied with it ever since. 

Noting carefully which cup she would give Daddy, she added a good slosh of Frangelico to his, stirring briskly as the hot water and milk went on top. The smell was so good, hazelnut mixing with the aroma of warm vanilla and chocolate, surely it would help him feel better. 

"Daddy?" she called, approaching the door of the study with more noise than necessary to warn him of her presence. He would feel embarrassed if he knew she had seen him earlier, of that she was certain. Even though he was more open at home than in public, she knew that the only person for whom Daddy truly let his guard down was Abb....

"In here, Alicia." He was sitting on the sofa overlooking the window, his hand sliding something into his pocket as she approached. She knew the projected calmness for the façade it was. Even though he thought he was hiding his pain, it broke through the brittle walls of his hastily constructed shielding. It would take more than a finger in the dam to keep back this emotional tidal wave. 

Alicia handed her father his cup, and he frowned. "Frangelico?" he asked, not succeeding in keeping the surprise out of his voice.

"I thought you needed it," she told him, trying to put on the 'mother' voice Aunt Cathy used on occasion. 

A small smile rewarded her efforts. "Thank you. I think you might be right." Daddy patted the spare spot on the sofa next to him, and she scooted into it before he could change his mind. He took a sip of his drink, closing his eyes momentarily as he concentrated on the taste and the smell. "Just the way Cat makes it," he said in almost a whisper, and she knew the comment was more to himself than to her. 

"Daddy?" she asked, deciding it was better to jump in feet first before she lost her nerve. "I think we need to talk." She paused. "If you don't want to that's okay but Abb always says its better to talk and as he's not here, well…" She stumbled over her next words in an effort to get them out. "I just want you know I can listen too."

Daddy's hand strengthened his grip on his mug before he answered. "I know you can, Alicia. I just…I just need to be able to find the words, and at present I'm not sure _I_ can." 

She laid what she hoped was a comforting hand on his knee and forced herself to smile. "Maybe if I asked questions and you answer what you can?" Part of her hated pushing, but he needed to talk. They both knew it. If Abb were here he'd know what to say. He always knew the right words… It wasn't fair that he wasn't here – they were her parents, they were supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around. 

And immediately she felt guilty for being so selfish. 

Daddy didn't seem to notice her inner struggle. He nodded, shifting his gaze to examine the daffodils growing in the garden outside, preoccupied with whatever he was thinking about. 

Alicia waited a moment, winding her finger around the stray lock of hair that always seemed to fall over her face, before speaking softly. "In some countries they use flowers to remember war, to honour the men and women who have fought and lost their lives fighting for what they believed it. I remember Aunt Laura telling me about Poppy Day once."

"That's one of the reasons we planted them." His voice caught slightly. "To remember. Quatre…Abb said it was important that people weren't forgotten." He paused. "There's a small wooden cross in the middle of the flower bed with his father's name on it. I think a part of him hoped his father would give the approval in death he never gave in life." 

Abb's father, her grandfather, was someone they never talked about. She knew he'd died during the war, but it was one of those 'off-limits' conversations. Once, in an attempt to find out more, she'd made a comment about how proud he must have been of Abb fighting in his Gundam to save the colonies. She'd even drawn a picture of him flying off in Sandrock with his father standing waving to him, wishing him luck. Abb had looked at the picture, taken her on his knee and held her close, running his fingers through her hair. When he spoke his voice was sad, and she could hear the tears he was trying to hide. _"Daddy and I will always be proud of you. Remember that." _But he'd refused to explain further. 

"How did he die? Has it got to do with why Abb got so upset?" Surely the two must be connected. "Did you ever meet him?" Even Aunt Iria never spoke much about her grandfather. The only thing she'd said was that he'd thought he was doing the right thing, as did a lot of people during the war. 

Daddy took another sip of his drink, and placed the cup on the small coffee table. His voice was calm as he leaned back against the sofa, but he kept glancing at his left hand, as though fascinated by the plain gold band on his ring finger. "He died during the war, and your father felt…saw his death." His voice dropped to a whisper. 

"The next time we met he wasn't the Quatre I knew." 

Daddy wrapped his arms around himself and shivered, as though trying to keep out a terrible coldness, even though the sun was streaming through the window. 

"Daddy?" 

"Daddy?" Maybe if she changed the subject? She thought back to the morning at school and said the first word that popped into her head. "ZERO."

Her father's head came up; his eyes reflecting remembered pain as they met hers. "How did you know?" he asked, shaking his head. "Never mind. I'm sure they meant well, but I thought…"

Confusion chased guilt through her mind as she realised she'd uttered the one word she had promised herself wouldn't enter this conversation. "I heard you and Abb say it this morning in class," she explained. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… but…" The explanation she'd waited for, and needed would never happen. She knew that. Unless…maybe it _was _better to face whatever was causing them so much pain instead of just running away and trying to forget? Hadn't Abb once told her it was easier to deal with problems if you shared them? 

"Everything seems to always come back to ZERO." She felt a pang of guilt with the words, as though she was plunging the knife deeper into her father's heart, but part of her knew deep down it needed to be said. How could she help him, or be there for him if she didn't know the truth? She was old enough to know. After all, how bad could the story be? 

"I know you were all known as numbers during the war. Was ZERO another pilot?" Maybe the other pilot had been killed and the others felt guilty? It was the only thing which made sense.

Daddy spoke slowly. "I did promise you an explanation. I suppose it's time you knew the truth." He glanced upwards, as though he could see Abb asleep in the room above them. "I'm sorry, Cat, but it's necessary." He brought his hands together on his lap, twisting his ring over and over, the gesture making Alicia wonder just how bad this story was. Daddy wasn't one for showing such obvious outward signs of nervousness. In fact she'd always harboured a degree of envy as to how he managed to stay so calm, especially in situations most people wouldn't have coped with. 

"Abb built the ZERO system after his father was killed."

"System?"

Daddy nodded. "It was designed to gather battle information and use it to plan out every conceivable scenario of attack and defence, and then feed this information directly into the pilot's mind." He was choosing his words carefully, and a part of her wondered if she would be getting the complete story. He was still hiding something. He had to be. The answer couldn't be this simple. 

"So Abb put this system into Sandrock?" She frowned. "Why? He's good at figuring stuff like that out on his own. He doesn't need a computer to tell him what to do."

Daddy gazed down at his lap, and rubbed at an invisible mark on his jersey. "He didn't have Sandrock, so he built Wing Zero from blueprints, not knowing the system was in the Gundam. When he received all the data, he wasn't trained to deal with it because he wasn't expecting it. He…wasn't himself even before he climbed into Wing…" He broke off, placed both hands on her shoulders and stared at her intently, as though it was very important she understood what he was about to share.

"It's okay," she started to say. "I know Abb wouldn't deliberately do anything wrong." He couldn't. Abb cared about people, he would never do anything to hurt someone unless he had no choice. 

Daddy's shoulders sagged slightly. "His father, your grandfather, had just been killed by the very people Abb had piloted the Gundam to protect. He….he…launched an attack on the…" Another pause, longer this time. "On those ZERO showed him were his enemy. Uncle Heero and I were sent by OZ to stop him…"

Alicia interrupted. "OZ? But I thought…" 

"I was undercover in OZ, posing as a pilot at the time." His voice was flat. "Uncle Heero had been captured, and…forced to pilot for them as well."

"But he was just pretending, right? You didn't really have to fight him. It was just a plan to help you and Uncle Heero escape." That must be it. History had been wrong about a lot of things, it had to be wrong about this too. 

__

"It says here that there was an unconfirmed rumour that one of the Gundams was responsible for wiping out several colonies."

He couldn't. 

Not Abb. 

No way. 

There had to be some mistake. 

She frowned, her stomach tying in knots as she tried to make sense of what he was saying. Her mind went back to what had happened in the classroom that morning, and the room spun. Alicia became aware of a firm arm around her, as she met her father's gaze. 

"Yes," he said in a choked whisper, his eyes glazing over as he remembered the nightmare. "He piloted the Gundam who attacked the colonies. We tried to talk to him, but he wasn't himself." He stopped, removed his arm and took a swig of his drink. For what seemed like forever the room was silent, apart from the sound of Daddy taking deep measured breaths.

"I… he….There…there was an accident." He pulled himself into an upright position and shivered. "Heero and Quatre were captured by OZ, and I was left floating in space."

"No!" The word came out stronger than she meant it to. "Abb would never leave you to die in space. He loves you. Even if that ZERO thing had taken over his mind, he would have never left you." She sniffled, and found herself growing angry at the thought of a machine causing all this pain. All this time and it had been because of a machine. It was unreal.

Daddy shook his head. "No. He would have never left me, part of him never did." He stared straight ahead. "I still remember that field of stars. It was so cold, but I knew somehow it would be all right." His voice was so sad, she could reach out and touch the pain of his memories. 

__

Abb pulled away from Daddy's touch, his voice rising to a scream. "Heero! Let go of me! Trowa's dying!"

"They thought you were dead." Her hand went up to her mouth, as pieces of the puzzle of her father's nightmares suddenly began to fall into place. "He tried to go to you, but he couldn't." She felt an echo of the coldness of that starscape reach out from her father's memories, and began to shake as an inkling of what they must have gone through hit home. "He thought he'd killed you. Oh Daddy…" Alicia let out a sob, but her father was so lost in the past he didn't notice. 

"But you told them you were okay, as soon as you were rescued."

Silence.

"Didn't you?"

He shook his head. "I couldn't remember who I was. Even when Quatre came to the circus, I didn't know him." His hands came up to his head briefly, a sharp remembered pain creasing his brow. "He seemed so familiar, I felt for him, yet I watched him leave." She wondered if he even realised she was still in the room as he kept talking, remembering snatches of his past, of their past, she'd never been privy to until now. "Something was coming." Fear came from him in waves, and then a yearning for something just out of reach. 

Should she try and offer comfort, remind him it was all over, or just let him talk? 

"But you must have gone after him." She could imagine Abb walking away, tears in his eyes and Daddy standing watching him, wondering why he felt connected to this stranger he didn't know. Was the bond they shared between them present even back then? How could Abb have just left Daddy behind?

"He went to fight, to save the colony. We were under attack." His voice grew firmer. "And yes I went to him. I had to. He was crying, calling me. I couldn't ignore him."

"He was crying?" On one level what Daddy was saying made no sense, but on another deeper one, it was so obvious. One soul crying out, reaching out to and being answered by the one person who could. Their love had been so strong, it had transcended even the terrible loss they'd recently gone through.

Daddy nodded. "I knew he needed me, and I went. I left Aunt Cathy and I went back to the battlefield to fight." Was that what Abb had meant when he'd talked Daddy acting on instinct when he hadn't his memories to back him up? 

"How did you get your memories back? Was it seeing Abb again?" That would have been so romantic. She could picture it clearly. Abb surrounded by the enemy, Daddy coming to save him. "Was it when you saved him?"

Daddy ruffled his fingers through her hair. "By the time I got there he'd already won that battle. There wasn't a mobile suit left standing. Your father kicked 'some serious butt' during his time as a Gundam pilot." She smiled at his use of the phrase Jason had used to describe Heavyarms. "I didn't get my memories back until later." Another pause. "When I piloted Wing ZERO."

Her jaw dropped. "You piloted ZERO? But I thought…after what it did to Abb. How? Why?" 

"I needed a Gundam." The explanation sounded so matter of fact, and yet after what had happened, it still sent a shiver down her. "OZ were attacking the colony where Aunt Cathy was. She would have died. Someone had to save them. I fought the effects of ZERO with Abb's help and my memories returned." He took another sip of his drink, seemingly not noticing it had gone cold. "All the pilots had their own battle with ZERO, although Heero and Quatre were the only ones who mastered the system."

Now she was really confused. "But I thought …" Why would her father set foot in Wing ZERO after what had happened? 

"Uncle Heero loaded the system into Sandrock during one of the final significant battles of the war. He knew Abb could handle it, knew he could use it to swing the balance in our favour." His voice had a hint of pride in it. "And he did." 

He shifted slightly, glancing again towards the room above them. "I'm just going to check on Abb. Finish your hot chocolate, and I'll help you clean up."

The conversation couldn't be finished yet, surely. Or was this as much as he was prepared to say?

Daddy slid off the sofa in one fluid movement and disappeared before she had a chance to protest, not noticing the slender object fall from his pocket as he left. She picked it up, wondering what it was…and stopped.

It was a photo, creased around the edges from use. _It was probably the one of them standing in front of their Gundams that he'd shown Miss Harris_, she thought. It made sense that he would be looking at it, while he was remembering all the stuff which had happened. 

She glanced at it absently, after all she'd seen it a million times. Even as a toddler she'd loved sitting on his lap while he pointed out the Gundams, and told her about Heavyarms and Sandrock.

What?

This was a photo she'd never seen before. 

Why hadn't they told her about this? 

Why hadn't they told her?

"Alicia?" 

"Huh?"

Daddy sounded worried, as though he'd been calling her for some time. He took the photo from her, his fingers stroking it tenderly. "He doesn't know I have this," her father said. "Duo took it, in case...so I'd have a photo in case he didn't wake up."

He sat down beside her, and grew silent, retreating behind a wall of grief and pain. His full attention was drawn to the figure in the bed, Abb pale and either asleep or unconscious, hooked up to medical equipment. Daddy in the photo was holding his hand, lying on the bed asleep, his other arm hooked around him protectively. 

"What happened?" she asked gently. 

"It was the almost the end of the war," he explained in a whisper, his voice hoarse with emotion. "We were trying to stop Zechs and White Fang. Dorothy Catalonia challenged Quatre to a sword fight. She had the advantage of using the ZERO system – I knew he was in trouble but by the time I got there…" His voice cracked slightly, then he recovered his composure and continued. "He was floating motionless, blood flowing from a wound in his side."

"She stuck her sword in him?" Alicia couldn't believe it. The bitch. How dare she? "So you rushed him to the hospital?" No wonder he looked so pale, he would have lost a lot of blood. Poor Abb. Poor Daddy. 

Daddy shook his head. "I patched him up as best I could and we climbed into our Gundams and continued fighting." 

__

They what? He had got to be kidding… 

"We had to stop Libra," Daddy continued. "If it hit the Earth, everything would have been for nothing." He stared the photo in his shaking hands, his next words came out as a whisper. "I'd felt his pain, but didn't have time to focus on it. We had to stop Libra. Nothing else mattered."

The photo fell from his hands and drifted through the air, coming to a halt on the table. "Afterwards everyone was so happy… I went to Sandrock - to Cat….he was lying in there, not moving…" He brushed one hand across his face, and she noticed a fine mist over his normally bright eyes. "For one horrible moment, I thought he wasn't breathing." He took a sharp intake of breath. "After going through so much…to lose him..."

Alicia reached over and took one slender hand in hers. "You didn't lose him. And he knew even then that you loved him. I'm sure that helped him, to know you were there for him."

Regret and guilt flowed from him. "He didn't know. I hadn't told him how I felt." His fingers tightened over hers. "Even afterwards I never said a word."

"But you loved him. He loved you. I don't understand." 

Her father didn't register he'd heard her protests but continued talking, as though explaining to the younger version of his husband in the photo his reasoning for his inaction. He traced the outline of Abb's image, stroking the picture absently with one slender finger. 

"We lived in different worlds. How could I expect you to give up your position for someone with nothing, not even a name to offer." He shook his head. "We were both soldiers fighting a war, but after that war was over you went back to being Quatre Raberba Winner. I couldn't go back to being Nanashi." His voice shook. "I was Trowa now, your Trowa. You gave me that, Cat. You made me feel as though I had a purpose in life…you still do." 

"Daddy?" He was scaring her. Daddy never got emotional like this. 

__

It wasn't only Abb who was haunted by memories of the past. 

They all were. 

Everyone who had lived through that time had been scarred by it. Some just hid it better than others. If she'd learnt anything from today, it was that.

He turned to meet her gaze, and she reached over to wipe the single tear before it could fall. "Cat…Abb…didn't want you to know. We weren't sure how you would handle the truth, the whole story." 

__

And you still don't. And that's why you haven't told me. I now know what I need to, and it's cost you just to share that. 

Daddy, I'm so sorry. 

She nodded. "It's okay. I understand." She understood as much as she could, the same way they had shared as much as they could. 

He pulled himself to his feet, she could see how exhausted he was. Not just a physical exhaustion but mentally and emotionally too. Acting as strong shielding for Abb that morning, followed by his confronting his own demons had been too much. 

"Why don't you go rest?" she suggested. "I'm sure Abb would sleep better knowing you were near. He's going to need you there when he wakes." She smiled slightly. "You know how he is when he's taken something to make him sleep. We won't get much sense out of him for while."

Daddy gave her a quick hug, surprising her with the action which was more in character for Abb than for him. "I didn't want him to take them, but he insisted. Said I needed the break." The corners of his mouth turned up as he attempted to match her earlier smile. "He's hard to argue with once he sets his mind on something."

He leant and kissed the top of her head in a familiar gesture of affection. "And I guess he's not the only member of the family with that trait." He replaced the photo in his wallet, his gaze lingering. "The war wasn't all bad, you know. I did meet Quatre because of it. And you."

"I know, Daddy." She put on her best mother voice. "Go sleep. He's going to need you, later. I'll fix some supper."

"Thank you." He paused in the doorway and gave her a smile, a smile straight from his soul to hers. A rare glimpse into the inner Daddy that usually no one but Abb saw.

"Thank _you_," she replied, watching him go. Even though it had taken a lot out of them to share their experiences today, she now knew why it had been so important to go to the school and put things right.

The war was in the past, but what had happened was a legacy for the future. Even though history didn't have the facts quite right, it was up to the next generation, her generation to learn the truth and keep it alive. Keep the truth alive, so that their fight hadn't been in vain.

Lest we forget.

*****

~Fin~

*****

Authors notes:

_'The Old Road'_ or '_Nakasendo_' by Hiro Fujikake '_Stars Children'_, also by Hiro Fujikake. 

Both of these wonderfully haunting tunes for solo flute, with orchestral backing, are from James Galway's CD _'The Enchanted Forest.'_


End file.
